Instead of living from my soul’s true expression and calling I was living from my identity of being a leader and high achiever and not letting myself truly be seen for me.
I was always so busy with my work and focused on the next thing to launch, create or achieve that I had no space or time for real intimacy and connection. No matter how many people I helped or how I was recognised for my work I never felt truly fulfilled.
What I didn’t know is that through my work I was unconsciously trying to heal what I felt was broken in my childhood instead of expressing my creative joy and tapping into my unique essence - how my soul wanted to truly express itself.
Back then I was working in relationships unconsciously trying to fix my parent’s marriage through my work so that I wouldn’t have felt abandoned, but really deep down my soul just wanted to create, to play, to express, to be seen, to dance, to connect, to experience deep intimacy!
I was essentially running my business from my trauma. Even though I had achieved a lot I was still in procrastination and sabotage cycles and living as a ‘human doing’ rather than a human being.
I was keeping myself so busy because I was in a flight trauma response and all the procrastination I would experience was a freeze response because deep down I actually felt a lot of shame about how I truly wanted to express myself in the world.
My busyness and my procrastination was just keeping me safe from truly being seen.
I ended up having barely any time or energy for myself and for true intimacy and connection with others even though it’s what I deep down longed for the most and is what would truly fulfill me.
I just used to tell myself “one day when I have achieved XYZ then I’ll have time for more self-care, connection and intimacy”
But that day never came, because that story was just a protection story.
So my nervous system collapsing became the BIGGEST BLESSING because it was during this time that I had the space to learn all of this.
I initially took myself through what is now my signature Role Releasing Method to release the High Achiever and Caretaker roles that had been running (and ruining) my life.
I then had the space to explore who I was underneath these roles and to create, play, express and allow myself to be truly seen for me.
I started doing improv classes to bring out more parts of me to be expressed and access more of creativity and silly playful side - that parts that had been shut down in childhood.
I learned authentic relating games so that I could allow myself to be seen an felt and connect with others more deeply.
I started dating again from a place of really leaning in, being vulnerable and revealing myself and my desires.
I learned somatic practices and nervous system regulation tools that helped me to heal my trauma and work inside my window of tolerance so that I wouldn’t burn out again.
I learned how to feel my emotions more and became so much more connected to myself, my body and my aliveness!
I spent more time in nature and connected with animals that nourished my soul.
I studied and trained in trauma-informed practices and started bringing them into my work so that I could support my clients in a more integral way.
Through all this I experienced a much deeper connection with my soul and discovered what really lit me up and from that moment I started to do business SO differently!
I realised that I had been longing to play and creatively express myself and just be seen for the human that I am, and not to wear any kind of mask that requires me to achieve something or do more to be enough.
I took much better care of myself and resourced my nervous system rather than constantly giving so much to try and help other people.
Instead of focusing on helping people and fixing their problems I was focused on what do I really want, what is my deepest calling and how do I really want to express myself - and I was giving myself permission to do this!
I felt far more freer and confident in my expression and I was able to share more of my true self with others.
I gave myself more spaciousness in my business and I was not always focused on launching the next program or creating the next thing or doing the next course.
Instead I listened to what was right for me, my system and my body. I listened to what was a "fuck yes" for my soul instead of "I should" from my mind.
I was also experiencing the deepest and most delicious intimacy in my personal life because I was leaning into being seen more and being vulnerable with men in my life.
From this place I actually ended up making the most money in my business I had ever made whilst working far less than I ever had and feeling so fulfilled and nourished!
I felt like I was truly giving from my overflowing cup.
By doing things this way I actually was able to support and hold my clients in a more powerful and deeper way.
I was offering my work from a more embodied place and a regulated nervous system and people could feel it.
I often had clients showing up out of what felt like nowhere.
I was like “wow, really it gets to be this easy!”
I realised that the more connected to myself and my body I was the more receptive I became and the more people could truly feel me and see me.
One of the greatest gifts this embodiment work gave me was the permission to play and be human, which is now a foundational part of what I teach through all of my work and trainings.
My intention is that those who do this training feel really empowered and confident to offer their work in a way that is truly soul-aligned and embodied for them too.
I am here to support more leaders to take care of themselves and their nervous systems, to meet their own needs first so that they can give from their overflow and be able to serve their clients from an embodied place.
I also want everyone to feel so lit up by their work that it truly feels like PLAY!
If you decide to join this training you will also get to know that I am a deeply curious woman who openly shares my own personal stories that are often vulnerable, enlightening and edgy!
So definitely don't expect this to be a boring, content-heavy training, as you will get to express deeper parts of yourself, experience real connection intimacy with others, be creative, spontaneous and have a whole lot of fun!
I am a big believer that personal development doesn't have to be so serious and that play is deep medicine for our soul and one of the best ways that we learn.
My ultimate vision is to pass this knowledge and these practices on so that this work can reach more people and we can live in a world where we can all experience deep connection, real intimacy and feel alive and free to express our true selves!